Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize