Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
