The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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