I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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