She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
