he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
