he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
