The maid of honor just puked.
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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