Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
