im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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