A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
