my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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