maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Mom said you looked used
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
