1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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