We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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