he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
