My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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