what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
