in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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