Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
