I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
