STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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