I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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