marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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