that's an acceptable place to lick
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
