Need sex. Gaining weight.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
