Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize