Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
