you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Im part way to drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
