So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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