just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
