it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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