she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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