I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
