is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
