do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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