OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize