My liver just broke up with me...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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