I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
