We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize