I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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