hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
