Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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