Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
