Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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