its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize