No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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