Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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