I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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