Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
