the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
