i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
kristin has been a bad kristin
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Four minutes until I can fart!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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