I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
false alarm, still single
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
