Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
