my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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