im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
