i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
