kristin has been a bad kristin
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize