why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize