we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
