I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Found the puke drawer
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
