My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
