Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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