did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
