ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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