I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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