he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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