took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
