Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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