apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
