Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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