just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
