Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
