I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
