he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
