Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize